Heaven Knows

 

Heaven Knows
©2020 Ruth Borges
9"x12"
Acrylic on watercolor paper

It began as an intuitive abstract painting on watercolor paper. Loose brushstrokes quickly covered all nine by twelve inches in less than five minutes. As I continued painting, the piece morphed through several interesting phases: intriguing and exciting, frustrating and perplexing, calming and meditative, mysterious and revealing. As kept painting, it morphed into an awful ugly mess. I almost tossed it, but chose to walk away instead. Days later, I loaded my brush with white paint and covered the whole piece. While the paint was still wet, I grabbed my palette knife to add texture in some areas, rubbed in some color in others, removed a little here and there, then added a tiny bit more color and… I loved it! A thin veil of white calmed all the busy layers underneath. Lighter tones of rose, marigold, peach, and blue seemed to float beyond the edges of the paper. I let it sit for days. As I reviewed the work again, I began to notice a cloudscape. The range of soft blue tones throughout the painting nudged me to consider placing a darker blue shape on the lower left portion of the composition. I added the shape and walked away for another few days. Reviewing the work again, I noticed some colors showing through like a whisper in a few spots on the lower right section. It felt like a song or a prayer, probably both. I amplified the melody on the left side and added other elements until my heart and mind agreed the work was completed. I’m so grateful I didn’t toss this painting the moment it crashed! All the previous layers set the stage for a wonderful visual song. I never could have planned or imagined any of it. I never would have guessed that after all those twists and turns, I would be so pleased with the outcome. I was in awe. Then, I sensed God revealing similarities between my art making process and my spiritual journey. I could see how all the brushstrokes, the palette knife work, the adding and subtracting of paint to adjust and correct the composition became a metaphor for my own spiritual restoration and renewal. I must say I’m exceedingly grateful God doesn’t toss me when – like my painting – I morph messy time and again! An insistent drive to save the painting gave me a deeper sense of God’s unwavering commitment to help me grow and succeed.

As I continued to reflect on all of this, one of my favorite bible passages came to mind, Jude 24, where God is described as “able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy”. When I first read this verse, I thought “without fault and with great joy? Really? How?” As I let that verse sink in, I felt embraced by a deep sense of relief, gratitude, and hope. A settled peace followed, silencing all the anxiety I was wrestling with before I read that verse. It was like that thin veil of white paint that silenced all the painting’s noisy layers underneath. I can’t remember what the anxiety was all about back then, only the verse that fueled my faith. Jude 24 became the go-to scripture passage I preach to myself when I struggle to hang in there but fail. I’ve tried to visualize that day when the Master Artist applies the final brushstroke, completing the work He began in me long ago. I’ve wondered… what will that actually look like, feel like? When? How? Heaven knows.